I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
