Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
