kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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