I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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