Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
