You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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