who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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