xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
