I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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