I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I hate your face
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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