1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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