The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
