I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
