We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
