I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
