tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
