Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There r osticjed everywhere
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
