Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
