There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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