I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
