She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
