Will you blow on my dice?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
