You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
don't judge my taste in strippers
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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