sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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