So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
