i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
