it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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