2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize