She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
