I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize