Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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