I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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