took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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