Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Blow job season was short but glorious.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
