I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
the raccoons are back...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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