does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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