Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize