I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I'm really busy with my period
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