I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
