I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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