I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
