the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
