How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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