The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Alive.
So much puke
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
