Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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