Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
