theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
