dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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