I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
