I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
