The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
