Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
