so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
