My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
