Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
