My sheets look like a crime scene.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
