Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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