Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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