So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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