and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
