atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
