I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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