Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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