I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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