carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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