Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize