Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
