sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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