I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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