She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Dear god my vagina.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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