I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
