im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
