Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
