I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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