he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
