Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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