let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
