Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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