No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
