the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
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