I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
